ahh so where to begin? the good or the bad? well the bad isnt that bad right now...So my very first valentines day with a valentine and i dont believe any one is the world could have been as i happy as i was when i walked out of my sisters room..definately a day where i just felt like we could have run away and spent forever together...but sometimes i get a lil carried away in my thinking  the whole night was unforgettable...and damn he looked so freakin good. The cops dont like us much though..hehe. I got grounded because my mom found out we were alone but whatever i wouldnt have done anything different.. i wish i could explain more i wish i could give this feeling to every girl who deserves it...because it makes you look at everything differently...it makes you breathe calmer...it makes you laugh longer..it makes you feel so much better about yourself. Almost every other guy ive been with did nothing but make me feel worse about myself each and every day...i had to force myself to look into the mirror everyday..and with him...its like..he makes me glow from the inside...ahhh...but no matter what i tell him or anyone ill never be able to explain it...or pay him justice..cos hes more than words...hes more than songs..and i miss him so much right now...even tho i just saw him..i jus wanna be in his arms cos its the only place besides the stage where nothing bad can touch me....

sometimes life dissappoints you tho..so far ODU is only offering me 3500$ which definately isnt enough for me to go there...i mean you figure once you work your ass off for what 13 years? it might pay off...i have no gotten a C...not once since kindergarten...never any kind of disciplinary report..not one detention..I dont drink...i dont even have a car...i jus wish...i jus hope that it will work out...

without suffering there would be no compassion...

so im home sick and it pretty much sucks...cause i know im gonna have a ton of things to make up on monday. I feel like my whole entire body is weak and sick...not jus my head or my stomach but also my shoulders and elbows. Its so gross. All i feel like doing is sleeping. N lord i miss my boo . I hate getting off the phone with him at night...just as i hate leaving at the end of the night...and i really gotta get better by tomorrow...cos im not gonna be any fun if i feel like this. And im def. hotter than i should be im in shorts and a tank top...and my house has no heat...somethings a lil wacky. Ive been gettin weird signs from something...but maybe they are just testing me. I know im very independent...and long term relationship havent ever worked for me but this time its different. Everything is different. Hes amazing and can not touch any guy ive had before. He doesnt make my wounds bigger...but hes my band aid...the reason i havent lost all hope in this world. well its def. time for me to stop thinking...and go back to bed...

I miss you baby...

so today i took some time to just think of things goin on in my life. Lately ive been focusing kinda on the negative things in my life..ive cried a lot even though i am very happy. Death in my family and all already me kinda gets to me. But today i determined things are gonna be different..i need to stop focusing on the things i can do nothing about. I downloaded this song and its pretty amazing...and helps me get through another day..jus like my friends and my amazing boyfriend. i know that i love feeling music..and im so lucky to be able to get up on stage and pour my heart out. Im devouted enough to get good grades and have a bright future. My friends are the ones you have forever. the ones that can handle touchy situations without hurting anyone...there the ones that i know i can count on through anything...My parents work so hard to take care of me and will sacrifice so much to make me happy...

Then theres my boyfriend...who i feel like ive known all my life...hes becoming one of my best friends..a person i can confide in...a person i can pour my heart out to..and finally a boy i can actually trust..one who i gladly give my heart to day after day..and although him to hold it close to his..without worrying that he will play with it and break it. Its hard not being able to see him a lot...but i think it will jus make us stronger. Im a dreamer...im not realistic at all..so call me silly for dreaming about spending forever with him...but..it does happen right? so why not be me and him...:)

and i worried that i would never know whether i actually loved someone or not..but when you do...you just know...and i know i love you...i dont care if people think its impossible or too soon..i know i do and i want everyone to know that...I LOVE YOU JEFFFFFFFFFF

good day good day

hmm very fun weekend! although i only got to see my baby one day..absence makes the heart grow fonder  friday i spent the night at my sisters...good times as usual. We watched OC. Next day i had to babysit my monsters and it took forever for jeff to get there..but we he did i was in heaven again..i love him so much its unreal..and its crazy how i feel like ive been with him for my whole life..like hes my bestfriend, boyfriend, and mentor..its ridiculous. I GOT TO DANCE WITH HIM! so i had both of the loves of my life at one time...doesnt get any better than this people. then we came back to my house....hes amazing...at everything. and he always knows exactly what to say..

hes my everything

when i see you smile...